Rednecks and Fountain Pens
The perspective of an anomoly
Striving and Suffering for Christ
Only let your conduct be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of your affairs, that you stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel, and not in any way terrified by your adversities, which is to them a proof of perdition, but to you of salvation, and that from God. For to you it has been granted on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake, having the same conflict which you saw in me and now hear is in me.
Philippians 1:27
About
Not being Christian was part of my identity. Maybe you are bewildered by the concept and want to gain some understanding of how and why I went through such a transformation. Maybe you've been through a transformation recently and you find yourself feeling a little lost between who you are, and who you used to be? Even if yours was of a completely different sort, you are in good company.
I always thought evangelism was the most distasteful aspect of Christianity. I still feel awkward bringing up Jesus with non-believers. I'm torn between concern I will push them further away from The Word, and possibly neglecting to speak what could be a pivotal phrase starting them on their path to having a relationship with The Trinity.
I was always resistant once I sensed someone was trying to sell me their belief system. But IF one BELIEVES, it's unethical to remain silent. I still can't quite reconcile this internal conundrum,
There is however, one variety of evangelism I am completely comfortable with, and that is to conduct one's self in a manner that draws people in and causes them to consider what fountain of abundant goodness pours into his followers that they could be so generous and have such an abundance of heart.
When things were in shambles, and nary a friend was to be found, a group of women I didn't know carried me when I could barely stand. My value as a person was never doubted, and there were never qualifiers to their support, They just shared their understandings and experiences, and love. In the early stages of knowing them, one said to me that there are many ways to find psychological relief, but she has only ever seen anyone redeemed by, and through Jesus. And just like that, I became a statistic of hers. I only found redemption with Jesus.
Alexis
It's easy to say I'm a good writer once I acknowledge I'm not the writer, God is. I'm an applied label, I'm an employee in the writing department, sub-category: lyrical prose, expert soliloquy crafter. I can claim nothing good to be my own creation. I've wanted to write a book since middle school. I'm only a few decades late. Self-published writers haven't really earned the title, I know, and I also know writing is about the only way I know how to right my ship, and I need my ship righted right now. Plus, I've got a guilty conscience. People have been telling me for years that I should make my writing widely available, but I felt no push or pull towards a topic, and I'm not sure I want to write on one topic or theme. I know writers must be disciplined in their craft, but I'm not the author, I just happen to be there with a pen in my hand. I can't force myself to write. I can force myself to sit at a desk, but not what flows through me. Some of my favorite authors, such as Mary Roach, thrill me with books on one topic, deeply explored. I delight in one topic books, but I'm not suited for that task, at least not in this chapter of my life. The same mind that loves the deep dive, also loves novelty, and gets hijacked by anything new and sparkly, or even old, but still loved deeply. A single continuous subject robs me of following my gray matter, and that's what I love best.
A year ago I sat on a plane beside a stranger. We chatted casually for take off, and she asked how I earn my living. I was gardening for a five acre property out in the country a little ways, almost completely absent of people, and I loved it. After I gave her my answer she said she would have guessed a writer. We'd barely met, and she certainly hadn't read any of my writing. I took it as a God nudge. Of course I neglected making it a reality for another year. This last year gave me plenty to write about. Careful what you wish for. I never could have foreseen how much of my gratitude would be borne from all the things I never wanted, mostly struggle and pain. They are dearly loved companions now. I greet them with a weary smile when they arrive, and I give them a bitter sweet embrace, and then, though I can't pinpoint the shift, I know when it's time to also let them go. Without an intimate embrace they linger, and like relatives and old fish, it doesn't take long until they stink.
Then, I stumbled upon the guilt causer: IF YOU DON'T USE THE GIFTS GOD GIVES YOU, YOU AREN'T JUST LIMITING YOURSELF, YOU ARE FAILING HUMANITY, AND FALLING SHORT OF GOD'S PLAN.
There are so many sins in there! Let's count: (You should know the word "sin" is an archery term that means to miss the mark. So, it's not only not all that bad, it's more than common, it's more than routine, it is a worldly constant, which means you can take a deep breath, and relax, knowing it's unavoidable. You should also immediately work to eliminate it from your life because it really is a grave error. Pun fully intended.)
1. Being selfish, and self-absorbed.
2. Arrogant
3. Prideful
4. Fearful
5. Deceitful
6. Worth less
7. Destructive
8. Lazy
9. Resource thief
10. A pathetic Ignoramus trying to do God's job.
I'm writing for, with, and powered by, God, and I pray some of it touches you in a way that improves your life, and the world.